A couple of months back, I clicked a picture from the same spot. Then, it was a landscape of brown, barren land. Still beautiful, but this- was today morning.
As I stood there and refreshed my eyes with that overwhelming green, as the proof of life filled my lungs with joy, I understood that time passes.
Whether I do something, or nothing at all, time doesn’t care. It moves at its pace. A minute will contain 60 seconds and 60 of such minutes will make an hour irrespective of whether you’re watching Netflix or the paint dry. Those things that we call “time-pass”/ “pastimes”- bullshit. It’s just a warping of our perceptions.
I remember this one time I reached the railway station more than an hour early for a train that’s always an hour late. I had too much luggage to keep walking around like I usually do. So, I found a spot, tucked my bags around me, and pretended to be a stone for the next 2 hours. It was 45°C, I was sweating buckets, but the station was busy and somehow, looking around, focusing on everything and nothing- it was the most relaxing thing I’d done that whole month.
Time passed at the same rate as any other day and I was in my train after 2 hours of doing absolutely nothing. In that instance, nothing was beautiful, nothing was relaxing.
I do the same thing in my room though, for weeks together sometimes. I put aside all my work, all the deadlines I’ve to meet and spend my time doing stuff of zero consequence. I try to convince myself I’m relaxing. But, the moment you have to convince yourself of that, you know it’s false. I’m avoiding, ineffectually trying to escape and all it does, at the end of the day, is add a dollop of guilt to the bowl of nicely whipped panic in my head.
Slowly, that guilt, dollops added everyday, overtakes the flavour of panic. Soon, it leaves me incapable of even getting out of bed; because- it tells me- what’s the point? Nothing’s gonna work anyway. Especially, if it’s you- you can’t make anything work. So, I stop working all together.
That isn’t the solution now, is it?
The solution is to Do Something. It could be as small of pulling a foot off the bed. But, something, anything has to be better than nothing on top of a whole lot of nothing.
That’s what my mum has been telling me since the beginning; but, surrounded by the brightness of green today, in that faint chill that makes every morning worth getting out of bed for, it hit home. Finally, my (knuckle)head figured out that irrespective of my involvement in the world, in my own life, time will pass and keep passing. I can fill that time with nothing or with something. That’s the choice I get to make.
The only choice.
So, what will it be for you?