Why Aren’t You?

You useless person,

There are so many beautiful things here

Why aren’t you?

 

I don’t know who I’m talking to

A stranger in the future that I might miss

A friend in the present that I do miss

I don’t know who should be here;

Who am I talking to?

 

I go from place to place

Revelling in my own company

But, the beer I ordered feels alone

Without a companion on the other side

I roam from bookstore to bookstore

Losing myself among the bundles of old and new

Buying too much, thinking too little

Maybe you should have been here

To hold me back

 

I still don’t know who I am talking to

Who could give me company in a bar

Companionship in a bookstore

I’m talking maybe to that random stranger

Who one day may not be so random

Or so strange

 

Is it weird to wish to be alone?

But, sometimes miss humanity?

Is it weird to miss something there never was?

Is it weird to miss what might be?

My feelings seem to have gotten ahead of themselves

Popping up from a place that doesn’t yet,

Exist.

 

You useless person

There’s so many beautiful things here…

Why aren’t you?

 

But it’d better if I ask

Who aren’t you?

Who are you?

 

*END*

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Is Anyone There?

The desert spreads out in front of me

Grains of sand in my shoes, in my eyes

Lodged in my hair, scratching past my throat

Am I alone? Am I alone? I ask the wind

It blows by quickly, in a zephyr, leaving me stranded

Unanswered

 

Is there no one? Is there not one other person?

I’m begging the sun, my eyes dry

Tears having evaporated a long time ago

Am I alone? Am I really all alone?

 

I breathe, and I breathe

I try to pick that scent, that human perfume

Maybe it’s wafting by here, towards the horizon

Or there, by that sand dune

I look around wildly, searching for him, her, any one

It’s my imagination. It’s all my imagination

 

There’s nobody here, the sky mocks my pleas

As it beats me down, holds me down

My ears to the sand, waiting for respite

For the sound of voice, maybe a song, just a whistle

Fine grains fill up their insides and no sound passes through

I clean them every other night…worried

Scared I’ll miss that sound when it comes

Now? What was that? A call? My name?

I’m hallucinating, hallucinating…

 

No one knows my name

No one knows I’m here

Alone…alone…I’m alone

 

The desert spreads out in front of me

Is anyone there? I howl at the moon

No one…no one… the wind whispers in my ear

As it passes by

And leaves me alone too.

 

*END*

Cry, My baby

Cry, cry

Cry some more, little baby

 

The world is but a place

Full of people who’ll laugh at you

Mock you, point fingers at you

 

The day will come when you’ll be

All alone…

And it’s not too far

 

So cry

Cry now, little baby

So you may hold your tears then

So you may try to smile through your misery then

So you may pretend it’s all well

And you’re truly happy

Then.

 

So cry

Cry away, my little baby

Cry while I’m still around to dry your tears

Cry for as long as I can calm your fears

Cry, my little baby,

Until I can sing your sadness away

And snuggle your wail into sweet sleep

Cry…my baby…cry…

Deeper

I know I’m travelling down

A dangerous road

The brambles are getting thicker, the thorns thornier

But, I’ve lost my senses now

I push on

My clothes tattered, my skin torn up

My spirit has been broken by the rocks

Strewn along the path

I have no hope, no dreams to dream

I’ve left behind the expectations

I was supposed to live up to

In the dust kicked up by my feet

I see my past self, trodden, broken

Forgotten

Nothing in front of me

Nothing behind me

But, the rush of darkness, the peace of oblivion

Deeper…deeper…deeper…

I push on

I’ve lost all my senses now

I push on…

 

*END*

You’re My Fix

I’m walking around

Bogged down

By my thoughts

By my heavy heart

Something is off

I wish I knew what it was

 

So I call you

 

You share your daily nothings

I listen and laugh along

With the ups of your tone

And downs of your day

I go along with your flow

 

I’m able to smile

I’m able to forget

 

Then something happens

Not too big, not very important

But it makes me cry at night

It makes me weary during the day

A little something that’s off colour

Messes up my canvas, my life

For no reason at all

 

So I call you

 

Your face creases into a smile

Bursts into a laugh

Twists in frustration

Flattens in wry humor

A movie in a story

Insignificant, but important

Because it’s from your life, your day

 

My face follows the lines on yours

My finger twitches to trace it along

When your lips curl, mine do too

I remember what it’s to laugh along

 

I got my fix

I smile again

I forget…again.

 

One morning days later

Is grey, is lifeless

I can’t lift my head to look at my clock

Or hand to turn off the alarm

I’m tired

I’m so tired

I slept for 10 hours

And I’m still tired

 

I skip work, I lay in bed

I go over how much I hate myself

Over and over in my head

I feel dead, though I know my heart is beating

My lungs are breathing, my brain

Is firing

But, I still want to open up a few veins

Watch the blood spilling

I want to make sure, I want to feel the pain pulsing

To feel alive

 

So I visit you

 

Your arms engulf me tight

My tears spill over your shoulder

You hold my face in your hands

Place a gentle kiss on my forehead

And say, “Everything will be alright”

 

“I believe you,” I want to say

“Thank you,” I wish to say

But, my throat has closed up

My lips can’t make words yet

So I cry some more…I clutch your shoulder

Like a raft in a thundering storm

And I cry some more

 

While you make me tea

While you tuck me in

While you curl up beside me, holding me close

 

Until I wake up with my eyes dry

My heart afresh

Until you can tell me about your day again

Until I can laugh along

Until I can smile again

Until I can forget…again…

 

Because you’re my fix

Because…(let me tell you while I can)…

You’re my fix.

 

*END*

Your Voice

I hear your voice on the other end

And I feel warm

The chills reduce

My tears dry up

I hold my hand out

In the empty air beside me

I pretend it’s you by my side

Whispering in my ear

Sharing an inside joke

Laughing aloud

Looking at each other

Reading our thoughts

I hold my hand out

In the empty air beside me

I pretend you’re not so far away

I pretend you’re there

Right next to me

 

I hear your voice on the other end

I hear your hello

Your sleepiness

Your tiredness

I hear your concern, your worry

I hear your voice

And I’m alright

 

I hold my hand out in the empty air beside me

I pretend you’re there

I pretend you’re here

Next to me

I pretend I don’t miss you

I pretend I wasn’t crying

I pretend I wasn’t feeling like

The world had emptied and abandoned

Me all alone

 

I pretend everything’s alright

Until I hear your voice

And everything is alright.

 

I hear your voice on the other end

I hear your laughter

Your smile

In your voice

I hear your love, your happiness

I hear your frustration, your sadness

I hear it all…

When I hear it all, I hold my hand out

In the empty air beside me

Where you used to be

And I feel warm

My tears dry up

And I feel, I’m alright.

Daily Prompt: Calm

via Daily Prompt: Calm

 

You glare at me

You shout

You question

You demand an answer

You cry

You rave

You scream for the heavens to hear

You wish

You pray

You beg for deliverance

From me

From my gaze

From my knowledge

About you

You walk away

You slam the door

You curse

You swear

You call me responsible

For everything that’s wrong

You run at me

You punch

You throw things

To hurt me

You hurl threats

Harsh words of warning

You call me names

You say things

That you don’t mean

 

You say things that you don’t mean…

 

You say things that you never mean…

 

So, I stay calm

I don’t flinch

I keep quiet

I don’t give in

I smile at you, my baby

I hold my hands out

 

When you tire out

When you run out of things to say

When you’ve cried yourself out

When you’ve screamed until you can scream no more

When you stumble

When you hiccup

When you fall

When you collapse

I’ll be right here…

 

I’ll stay calm

I won’t flinch

I’ll keep quiet

I won’t give in

I’ll smile at you, my baby

I’ll hold my hands out to you…

 

For I’m your mother

And this is my promise to you,

My dearest; my baby.

 

*END*

Image Credit: A Hopeless Dawn by Frank Bramley.