You Can Stop Smiling Now

You hold my hand

You sit by me

I watch you smile

I hear your laugh

 

But, I want to hear you scream

I want to hear you yell

I want you to get angry

I want to hear your rage

 

There’s two of us, you tell me

Interlock your fingers with me

Smile at me

You offer me comfort

A slice of solace

But, why does that make me angry?

Angrier.

 

I want to see you cry

Taste your tears

I want to hurt you

In ways you haven’t been hurt before.

 

Why?

Why do you smile?

 

I get angry by myself

I get hurt all alone

Why am I dissolving in your solidarity?

Why am I so vulnerable to you?

 

Why are you not?

 

Can I hurt you?

Can I make you cry?

Can I, at least,

Make you angry?

 

Maybe you’ll snap at me

Maybe you’ll break something

Just a little chink in your armour

Would polish all my cracks away

I’m easy, you see,

Unlike you.

 

I melt every single day

In the heat of all these feelings

And you don’t even break a sweat.

 

Are you lacking stimulation

Or don’t you have any feelings?

Is it my fault?

Is it yours?

 

Why are you so placid

While I’m breaking apart here?

Why are you still smiling

When I’m drowning in my tears?

Why don’t you flinch?

Why don’t you curse?

Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?

Why don’t you tell me

That you don’t really feel…

…all that I do…

 

Don’t worry,

I’ll get angry

I’ll scream

I’ll cry

I’ll break something

I’ll melt

I’ll dissolve

And then,

I’ll put myself back together.

 

So, don’t worry

You can stop smiling now

You can confess how you really feel…

 

…and you can stop smiling now.

 

*END*

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