The Heart Forgets

I was told that the heart forgets.

I didn’t believe them.

I thought I’d never forget what my mother said about my 5th grade report card.

 

But, I did.

 

That very night, in fact,

When she brought a plate of my favorite rice to appease my sulking self.

 

Many more times after, you forgot.

You forgave.

I didn’t even notice.

 

I studied about atria, ventricles, and myocardium

And forgot that you did anything other than pump blood.

 

But, whenever I was in a quandary and

Needed to make a decision,

I asked, and I was answered

And I believed;

Because, I was told to follow my heart.

 

Blinded I was, by your soft nature and

Your optimism.

 

Why, I ask, should I follow you?

Why should I follow an organ so treacherous to its own self?

Why should I follow something so foolhardy as to not have an ounce of self-preservation?

 

I didn’t notice for so long

And I followed you.

Today, I stand in this empty room and wonder,

Why did you lead me here?

 

And I answer:

 

You’re stupid

You forgive

And you forget.

 

But, not this time.

 

This time, I will not let you forget.

I will write it down

I will record it on tape

I will tattoo it across my arm for all I care;

But, I will not let you forget.

 

I will not let you forget

How much it hurts

How many tears I shed

How much it made me doubt myself

How many times it shattered my self-esteem.

 

I will not let you forget

This empty room

This empty feeling

This hollowness in my gut.

 

I will not let you forget;

I will not let you forgive.

This time, I call the shots,

You hear?

I will decide

And you-

 

You will remember

 

With each layer of your pericardium, epicardium, myocardium and endocardium,

You will remember.

 

And you will not cry

You will not break

You will hold fast to what you know

You will hold tight to me

And my sanity

And together, we will once again find a reason to smile,

To laugh

To fly into the sky and live among the clouds.

 

But, you will not forget.

 

*END*

 

 

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