What if I were to die tomorrow?

What if I were to die tomorrow?

A cold hand clenches my heart
Grips my throat
I swallow my fear and take my account.

Have I done enough? Have I proved my worth?
Am I ready for death when it comes knocking
At my door?

Not yet!

20 odd years I have lived and done nothing of note
I have planned and planned
But, they are all for the future a-foot.
If I’m dead and gone, today here, tomorrow not,
What does it matter of my plans
For the days after?

I’m alive, I whisper
I can hear my heart beating
Erratic and messy and afraid of my thoughts
But yet, beating.

Tomorrow? Day after?
And the day after day after?
Erratic…erratic…shaky breathing
I’m alive…I’m alive…
Today
What if I die tomorrow?

I was born, I was given
A timetable
Told to do the right thing
At the right time.

Smile, laugh, speak the first word
Take the first step
Learn the alphabet, go to school
Study hard and go to college.
There is a right time and the right thing
At the right time

Hark! Do you hear that?

Death is laughing, mocking…
Telling the story of the 14 year old
Who did the right thing at the right time
Until the bus hit him while crossing the street
Death is laughing, mocking…
And reminding…
Death, I’m no kind master…
I don’t knock, I don’t warn
I just enter and stake my claim.

Tell me Death, should I fear you?
Yes, Death replies,

Unless…

There are people who did great things
Who didn’t just wait in the side wings
for the right time
or the right timetable.
Who paved a path of greatness from what they had
And what they had been given
Who didn’t just plan for the future
But took action in the present

Who fear not death knocking
Because, they let in life a long time ago.

Are you there, young one?

Not yet!

There’s blood flowing in my veins
Air rushing through my lungs
But, is there life surging in my body?

Not yet!

Not until…

I earn my life
I deserve my life
I pay my dues and pay back life
For the life it’s given me.
I crumple the blueprint and start laying the bricks
I let my fear go,
Let my life in.

A Cold hand clenches my heart
Grips my throat
I swallow my fear and take an account

Tell me Death, should I fear you?

Tell me young one, are you there yet?

*END*

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