I don’t cry!

Red rimmed eyes, pink tipped nose and loud sniffles- but, when asked what’s wrong, the reply comes- nothing! Or no! I didn’t just cry! – Pointless!

I don’t get how those people on TV look so neat while crying. I mean for most of us normal people- tears don’t come arranged one after the other, eyes don’t look miraculously clear and more often than not- running tears are joined in full spirit by a running nose!

I, myself, make for one ugly crier…

The day I cry, the entire town and the next would know I cried. And this is not just me talking, I’ve been told this! – From “Aww…don’t cry…it makes you blotchy!” right down to “Shut up! You look ugly!”

This shouldn’t be a problem since I don’t cry much. But then, when I do cry, I hate people finding out!

So, over years of bawling, I put together a few tips that help in keeping those tears under the shroud.

No.1: Take a bath!

The sound of bucket-filling, shower-running and songs playing (in my case) makes it impossible for any sniffling to be heard (even if you are the world’s greatest sniffler :B). Also, the water running makes crying an easier and lot less messy process than it usually is. And BEST of all- bathrooms are NOT shared! (At least usually… :/)

No.2: Keep your spectacles close…

This is for that unfortunate occurrence that seems to happen only when I’m changing or dancing naked in front of the mirror or crying- people barging in unannounced! So many embarrassing moments later I realized, specs don’t just show me the world; they can hide me from the world. Red rimmed eyes are no more as serious an issue as they were- just remember to keep ‘em at an arm’s length and yes- unfolded n ready to go.

No.3: Keep the fan/AC on the low.

I know faster the fan moves, the noisier it is and the silent-er you seem. But, at the same time, a high speed fan doesn’t coincide with the excuse of a cold that you’re going to use to explain your funny nose. So, make you story authentic- turn it low. As for those sniffles- turn on some music please- so much pleasanter.

No.4: Tissues are your new best friends.

Use them! Keep ‘em by your pillow and use the hell outta them!

Tears have this wayward nature of escaping your hand and sticking to that corner inch of your chin. From there, it calls attention to itself as clearly as if you have the letters “C-R-Y-B-A-B-Y” stamped on your forehead. Tissues applied to the rim of your eye just as those infuriating teary drops escape is the best way to deal with this problem. So, use them!

No.5: Shut up!

Talking? Then, shut up! your voice comes out all funny and then, that kind person will ask you what’s wrong and before you know it, you’re blubbering all over your shirt in front of the whole world! How do you think you can show those tears who’s the boss? You refuse to talk, you be stubborn. You do not let them come out in your voice and the lump in your throat stays in your throat. Remember all those months when people would keep cooing in your face “momma, say momma!”- use that experience. You can do it! moving your head horizontally (side-to-side) is NO and moving it vertically (up-and-down) is YES. That’s all you need to know.

A few other simple tips could include:

Keep your laptop on- that’s a very good excuse for red eyes; or pretend to sleep- that’s good too (until some annoying friend wants to ask you if you have maggi :/)

Stay put in your room; in fact, your bed- best place on the planet!

Practice fake sneezing- to help you with the “cold”-excuse. J

Ignore every question that even remotely sounds like “what’s wrong?”- pretend you didn’t hear it.

Oh and the best one of all- DON’T CRY! (It’s a very dehydrating process!)

All the best! 😀



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