Wildly improbable!!!

It’s a funny thing ‘bout these daily soaps- you give up everything that you’re to do and time with your family just to watch another family play caroms. What I don’t get is: if you can derive so much of pleasure watching some family play their caroms, why don’t you just play with your own family?!!

That is just one thing…there are soooo many funny stuff when it comes to these daily soaps…

The heroine (who is so heavily made-up that you can actually see the foundation!) always wears these heavy saris n heavy jewelry, even when she’s sleeping! Ok…I’ll grant you strange sleeping habits (duh!); I’ll tell you the thing that bothers me the most- they sleep; they wake up and THEY LOOK FRESH TO GO! How? How is that possible??? I wake up from an afternoon nap with a bed-head that would make Medusa jealous! How can these people sleep and wake up and not ONE STRAND OF HAIR OUT OF PLACE?!!

Apart from this, they seem to have tankers and tankers of water in their lachrymal glands…n very obedient lachrymals too, I must say! It only takes one angry look from the husband or the mother-in-law or one sad look from their mother or kid and that’s it! The flow is on! Eyes tearing up and overflowing happens before you can say “tears”!

And do you notice how the guys are usually dumb…it’s the lady running the show…always! I mean I’m all for women liberation; but, since when did that mean that men have to become dumb jocks! I like men who have a tongue in their heads, thank you very much.

These soaps not only show people in very bad taste, but they also seem to assume that the audience is naturally dumb! They show this garrulous lady, who talks so much nonsense, I feel like she’s drilling into my head…but, everyone in the show listen, actually listen, to her and there start their misunderstandings!

It’s always a joint family and let us completely ignore the fact of how obsolete that is now. People throw tantrums because one son bought, just bought, a new house…

And don’t even start me on the Saas-Bahu concept. It is always the bahu who is misunderstood and blamed for everything that goes wrong in that supposedly perfect, but actually highly dysfunctional, family. I don’t get it. When there are at least 12 people living in a house (which is too large and still ridiculously clean) and I’m blamed for everything, I’d actually at least try to point out how wildly improbable that is! But no; our heroines prefer crying their eyes out (and their make-up is still intact) and making sad faces at everyone. If they talked at least 1/10th as much as the “bad one”, they would make very significant progress…

Oh! Another thing to be noticed- especially in certain soaps- is how the characters never seem to age! Reel time works so much slower, soooo much slower, than the real time, I can’t even imagine it!

Our Diwali is maybe a 2-day affair or to maximum- a week affair. Their Diwali continues a month! We play Holi for a day…they play Holi for an entire week! For us- a bomb blast is a blink-and-you-are-done-for-it affair; for them, a bomb takes at least 5 days to blast! There was this girl who was a child actor when this soap started. By the time it ended (like eight years later), she had grown up to playing lead in movies. Point to be exclusively noted here is: the Dadi of the first was still the Dadi of the last episode! In between, there were numerous generations and numerous shaadis (no divorces btw, just shaadis). Mind-boggling huh!

Mom watches these stuff a lot. So, when I come home for hols, it’s becomes a kinof unavoidable nuisance…for me. When I came home this time, the heroine of a serial had to die…as per the trailer ads. 6 days into my hols, she still had to die; 8th day she dies; 2 weeks of my hols gone and ppl are still crying over her dead body… I mean it only takes so long for a person to die in a bomb blast (yeah, she had to die in a bomb blast and don’t start me on the way they showed it…it was sooo improbable, my old grandmother aged 89 and completely senile wouldn’t die in such a dumb way!).

It’s not only the time aspect; even the distance aspect is interminably looooong…

The heroine is hurt and has to get to a hospital from their insanely large mansion. So, they bundle her into the car and start driving- only to be driving forever! They show a highway, never concluding. They are driving for 3 episodes straight and still don’t reach the hospital! All the while, bottles and bottles of glycerin are used up for the lady to sob and blubber. Wildly improbable, right?

The things outlined above are just few of the issues, completely apart from the 19th century attitudes, orthodox thought processes and the ridiculously twisted view of a girl’s life and choices. Heads up people: a girl’s life is NOT all about marriage! That is the change that is trying to be brought about. Then, why do these soaps keep harping ‘bout the same old, bull-shitty stuff in their disgustingly primitive manner. Not one soap shows a girl actually academic and career oriented…

Mom watches too many soaps. I told her that when she reacted so violently when I told her I got 6 cavities in my mouth. She acted like it was the end of the world. And when I looked askance at her, she demanded to know how I could take it so calmly! I just told her to stop watching all those soaps…she didn’t get it…AT ALL!!!


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